I realized tonight that I need professional help. I know what some of you are thinking! That’s not what I meant, but may be material for another post.
As I was driving through the 7th torrential downpour of the day to go to the all-night animal hospital to pick up Katie’s medication (which I probably could have made at home if I called in a few prednisone tablets to the local CVS — and wouldn’t have cost me $60), I realized that I while I think I can manage work and school, I think I need help with the rest of life.
Anyone interested in the job? Your duties include such mundane tasks as:
- Picking up cat medication. Giving said medication to the cat once a day.
- Getting my watch battery changed. Yesterday, I realized it was two hours behind, which got worse though out the day. You’d think I could survive without a watch, but it’s a problem at work. Every clock is different: my Blackberry, iPhone, computer, office clock, clock in the hallway, etc. And they vary by as much as 10 minutes, which means I’m usually either early to meetings, or late, depending on the clock in the room where they’re holding the meeting.
- Going through my mail and tossing out the junk mail. If you want to open it and pay the bills for me, you might get a little extra in your holiday card.
- Watching the weather in the morning so I know how to dress.
- Picking up the wine and Peanut Butter Cup Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, so I can have Second Dinner (Watch this episode of The Office to see where that comes from).
- Reminding me what day of the week it is, and possibly where I’m at.
- Petting the cats. They’re feeling neglected.
- Fighting with my Co-op Board when I’m busy at work. (More on this one later.)
- Unpacking and repacking my work/school bag. (As an aside, I’ve been having a lot of neck and shoulder tension. I realized today that it’s because the bag is so damn heavy. Tonight, was Contracts and Legal Rhetoric. My bag weighed 15 pounds.)
- Get my Jeep’s oil changed.
- Go through my DVR and delete duplicates. (Who the hell scheduled law school to overlap with the start of the new TV season?)
- Other To Do List items as assigned (Can you tell I’ve worked with government HR?)
These are simple tasks, I know. I just don’t have time to do it. I’m not sure I am going to have time to get my watch battery changed this weekend. And there’s a fair chance my car may go 35,000 miles without an oil change.
I can’t pay you for your time, but I will cover the expenses. I’m not asking you to buy the watch battery. And, in exchange, you have access to anything you find in my refrigerator. That includes the over-ripe apples, the possibly expired Chobani yogurt, that weird wheat side-dish I made that was tasty but still got pushed to the back, the pizza from the other weekend, and both bottles of ketchup. It’s all yours!
Just send your cover letter and résumé to me through this blog, if you’re interested in helping me out.